If you read my previous piece, Why Mike Trout Is the MVP and If You Believe Otherwise You’re Probably Old, you probably know that I was a big supporter of Mike Trout to win this year’s AL MVP award. At the time of this writing the award has yet to be announced, but it seems as though the award will most certainly be bestowed up Miguel Cabrera. Despite this seemingly inevitable outcome I would like to make a few last minute arguments in favor of Mike Trout for MVP. I did my best to make sure that these arguments were equal in validity to the arguments that pro-Cabrera supporters make for Miguel’s MVP case.

• Miguel Cabrera was born in Venezuela. Yes, that is correct. The very same Venezuela that calls Hugo Chavez its president! An MVP vote for Cabrera is the same as a vote for a totalitarian despot and if you believe otherwise then you are not a true American.

• The word “Cabrera” can trace its origins back several centuries to multiple small villages in Spain called “Cabrera”. The meaning of the word is “the place of wild animals”. Wow, that sounds pretty dangerous! Why support wild animals that could harm your children when you could vote for a man named after an animal that only soft-bodied aquatic invertebrates should fear? This is simple stuff, people!

• I’m not sure if trout tickling will work as effectively on Mike Trout as it works on the fish, but it is at least worth the ol’ college try. If done properly one could send Mike Trout into a trance like state and then use him however they wish. Want Mike Trout to make an appearance at your next birthday party or other social event? Give him a little trout tickle and watch your friends faces when you roll his catatonic body in on a wheelbarrow! Need to impress your boss at the next big corporate meeting? Have Mike Trout be a part of your next presentation! I can’t think of anything that could backwards overflow forward synergy more than that.

• Mike Trout has never confused wikipedia into thinking that he might be Melky Cabrera.

• Unlike the members of Sublime Miguel Cabrera does in fact practice santeria. I, for one, would prefer that my MVP support the popular music of the 90s. Mike Trout was born in the 90s and embodies it essence. He is in tune with the Tickle Me Elmos, Beanie Babies, Friends, Al Gore, and the boy bands that we all loved. I don’t even know why we are considering any other players for this award with how impressive Trout’s 90′s roots are.

Oh, by the way lets not forget that the senior league also has an MVP to be announced today. We shouldn’t overlook the great seasons of Ryan Braun, Andrew McCutchen, and Buster Posey due to the great sabermetric-traditionalist debate of 2012. I plan to write a more detailed post about the NL MVP race in the coming days, but for now I just hope that we can all keep this in perspective. I wish that my reasons for Trout over Cabrera for MVP were the most ridiculous that I had heard over the past few weeks. Still, no matter the outcome let’s try not to lose our cool. Just like Armando Galarraga’s perfect game proved that the truest outcomes are not necessarily the ones in the record books this vote is not the final say in which player had the better season. No matter what the Baseball Writers Association of America decides tonight it won’t change the fact that Trout had one of the greatest seasons of all time. Miguel Cabrera is a historically great player and had a great year. Mike Trout just happened to have a historically amazing year at the start of what should be a fantastic career. We shouldn’t begrudge Trout simply because he is a rookie and has yet to “earn his keep”. Mike Trout earned his keep in 2012 no matter what the writers determine and when they vote for Cabrera we should not be surprised. After all, they’re probably old.

-Chris Rice

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